“1. If you like someone, wait.
2. Give lots of compliments, even if you’re shy. Everyone else is too.
3. Change. Get a haircut, try new perfume, get new sheets. Become better than you were before.
4. Eat healthier. Learn to cook something fancy.
5. Get up earlier and watch the sun come up.
6. Wear soft clothes, take a bath, drink something warm.
7. Meet someone new, even just a friend.
8. Become closer with your friends and your family. Call your mother. Cry with your best friend. Tell everyone how much you appreciate them.
9. Keep your room clean. Buy some candles. Let the natural light in.
10. Make a list of reasons why you’ll be better off without them. Believe they are true, because they are.
11. Listen to new music.
12. Write everything you’re thinking and feeling. Write letters. Write happy letters, sad letters, and angry letters, even if you’re never going to send them.
13. It’s okay to be sad, but not forever. Sadness is not as beautiful as music makes it seem. Lack of sleep makes your eyes droopy, not deep. Wake up every morning and tell yourself you’re going to have a good day.
14. Go to the library. Don’t forget to look in the music section.
15. Remove them from your life. Get rid of the things they gave you if they make you sad. They’re not worth it. You will never be happy if you continue to hold on to the things that make you sad.
16. Make new memories.
17. Try to find something to appreciate in everything you do or experience.
18. Being alone is okay, you don’t have to surround yourself with people.
19. Become your own best friend. Buy yourself coffee and drink it alone in a cafe. Take your time.
20. Learn to love every bit of yourself.”—How to feel better and become better by me (via timidgeek)
“Remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it totally. If you want to take responsibility for your life, you must choose one of these three options, and you must choose now. Then accept the consequences. No excuses. No negativity. No psychic pollution. Keep your inner space clear.”—Eckhart Tolle (via thatkindofwoman)
“Messages like ‘you’re a strong black woman’ come from the heart but leave us in the emotional bind of believing we always have to be strong or else we’ve failed. Being strong all the time is a burden that doesn’t leave us much room to be human.”—Julia Boyd (via rubmythami)
“Do we look different from other people in our moments of fear and vulnerability? Bruises, blood, tears, shaking hands…do we not present these human reactions to trauma in the same way as people of other races? While a White man, IN PARTICULAR might not have been presented with an open door by a homeowner who found him on her doorstep at 2am, surely the police would have been able to determine that he was not guilty of anything but saving his own life following a car accident. And we can safely assume that a White woman in Renisha’s place would be more likely to get a cup of cocoa and an ibuprofen than a bullet through her skull.”—
Quote is from her essay Stay Black, Die on Ebony. To answer that first question, yes, to most Whites we look “different” and not as people (at all) worth empathy. Research has shown that they empathize less with us, do not take our pain seriously, feel that we can handle more pain than other people and view our bodies in public space or near them as an immediate threat. And that last sentence, when she gets to the part about how a White woman would be treated makes me see RED since I wrote about a White woman invading my home and property and calling me “rude,” yet lived to tell the tale versus Renisha McBride simply needing help and was executed.
“Michelle Obama is capturing a particular (though arguably narrow) definition of femininity that is often denied to black women. For example, she chose President Thomas Jefferson’s portrait as the backdrop for her official White House photo. There she is, the first black, First Lady, in a sleeveless dress, and behind her is Thomas Jefferson, who raped a teenage bondswoman, Sally Hemings (the half-sister of his wife), and enslaved his own children. Michelle’s photo executes a self-conscious taunting that reaches across the span of history to repudiate the violence and brutality suffered by so many enslaved women. Michelle stands boldly in a White House where she is mistress, not slave. Her body is for her. She is not reduced to a mule or a breeder. Her children belong to her, and she is free to love and protect them. It is an act of resistance for a black woman to demand that her body belong to herself for her pleasure, her adornment, even her vanity, because in the United States, black women’s bodies have often been valued only to the extent that they produce wealth and pleasure for others. When Michelle insists on audacious, sleeveless femininity, she strikes back against the reduction of black women to hypersexual breeders or asexual laborers. Hers is an important departure from the dissemblance strategies of twentieth-century club women who sought to prove their respectability through prim sexual ethics. Michelle refuses to be ashamed of her distinctive black woman’s body and all the attributes and anxieties it evokes. Rather than shrouding herself in shame, she shows her body with surprising, self-confident ease.”—Michelle Harris-Perry, Sister Citizen (via brutereason)
Black communities have long intuitively known that black women and men experience racism differently. Unfortunately, we bought into the lie that only our black boys are in danger of becoming victims of racism.
Though Sojourner Truth and Anna Julia Cooper and so many others fought hard to be recognized as women and as ladies, we have somehow come to believe that black women’s femininity exempts them from what Kiese Laymon has called “the worst of white folks.”
Renisha McBride knows differently.
White supremacy is no country for black people. Gender be damned.
Find the one thing you secretly hate about yourself, spend some time in the mirror looking at it or thinking about it. Tell yourself that, that thing is the reason you’re here. That scar means you survived. Your past was terrible but you made it to a future you never thought possible. You didn’t get the job you wanted. It didn’t want you. Wait for the job that answers all your questions. S/he left you. He left me too. You don’t want to be with anyone who sees the divine in you and chooses to walk away. Let them walk. Your space is clearer now. If you are with someone who can’t see the beauty you carry, then love yourself enough to beautify your surroundings. Then allow space for the one who adds beauty and color. You are loved. You are love. You deserve the best.
Kiss both shoulders. Kiss both wrists. Say out loud, “I’m dope as fuck.” Don’t say fudge. It doesn’t have the same impact. If you don’t curse say, “I am amazing.” There is a thing you offer the world that nobody else can or could. Thank you for being here.
There are three things I want you to learn how to say.
“I love you”
and don’t just say it as an empty phrase,
say it with feeling,
say it to every person who comes to mind when you think of those three little words.
I know it’s scary,
I know it’s difficult,
but open yourself up
and shout it.
don’t say it under your breath,
when you love someone,
whether platonically or romantically,
it deserves to be shouted from every rooftop.
There will be some people in your life
that come in and just wreck everything,
they mess up your plans,
they hurt you,
and make you feel less than what you are,
so please learn how to say goodbye to them.
But I also want you to learn how to say goodbye
to even the people you want to stay.
not everyone stays,
and saying goodbye is like setting someone free,
and it won’t always come easy,
and it won’t always come without heartbreak,
but not everyone stays,
and it will do you a world of good to learn how to tell them
“I am worth it.”
there will be waves of sorrow in your life,
and you will feel as if you were the sand that the tide carries away,
you will feel as if it carries away your worth
it will feel like you are the left over rubble of a building
that had been burned down,
and you will feel less,
but please learn to say these words.
say them in the mirror when you have just woken up,
say them when your lover turns their back on you,
say them when you are opening up the refrigerator
and please, believe them.
You are more than sand that can just be washed away,
and you are more than just a few pieces of broken cement,
you are worth it.
These will be the three bravest things you will ever learn how to say (via amandaspoetry)
Omfg this was amazing I love this, and I needed this.
random thought: if i can’t afford to buy the actual isabel marant wedge sneakers, and if h&m doesn’t have them when the line comes out, then i might as well buy them from payless. knock-offs are knock-offs and i probably won’t wear them more than a few times anyway
My favorite month is nearly coming to its end. Crisp mornings. Sunny afternoons. Brisk nights. Of course these things can continue on into November, but I won’t feel the same anymore. Grateful this month for:
Turning 27. Late 20s! woot woot!
Visits from a few of my best friends and their mates.
My first trip to nyc with one of my absolute favorite people. That city is entirely too big, but i miss it already.
Lessons learned on boys, feelings, work ethic, and commitment